Coaches Corner 2: Overcoming Other's Anger

A master coach understands that from time to time she will run into challenges with a coaching situation. When someone comes into the coaching space with anger try the following:

1. Plan Ahead - Think ahead. Write down the coaching plan along with any obstacles ahead of time to help you mentally and emotionally prepare. 
2. Focus on Feelings, Empathy and Needs - This may sound "soft" but you have to remember that each person you coach is just that -  a person. Hear and identify the feelings and needs that they are sharing with you.
1. Feelings: "Jane, if I'm hearing you correctly it sounds like you are feeling de-valued by this feedback, is that correct? What else are you feeling?"
2. Empathy: "Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I appreciate your open communication and can certainly empathize with you."
3. Needs: "It sounds like you have a need to feel like your work is making an impact and that you are being recognized for the effort you are putting in. Am I getting that right?"
3. Share Your Feelings and Needs - Remember to be human. Sharing in the same way you hear will make a connection and diffuse most situations quickly.
1. Feelings: "I have to admit that while I was feeling a bit apprehensive before talking to you about this I'm also feeling hopeful that we can work together to come to a collaborative solution."
2. Needs: "I need for you and your department to be successful, this includes hitting our metrics and you feeling valued. Can we discuss appropriate solutions that need both of our needs? I also have a need for you to understand that I do have very high expectations and I believe that you can meet them."

Practice the three points above and I'm confident you will be pleased with how quickly you can diffuse anger and resistance in your coaching sessions and move quickly toward your planning stage.