Coaches Corner 6: Stop Being a Coward

How bad does a negative situation need to get before you address it? Recently I heard someone justify their "behind the back" negativity by saying "well, you just can't be direct with people these days for fear of retaliation." I totally disagree. As a leader, coach and friend I think the costs of avoiding direct communication are too high not to.

Let's look at a few tools to help you stop being a coward and address issues more quickly.

1. Write out a clear objective first. For instance I could write "I want to address my concern, create a combined strategy and improve the relationship through respectful and direct communication. 
2. Follow the 3 step process of emotion, need and strategy. 
1. "I feel sad that this happened. Here is how I see it."
2. "I need to feel a sense of connection and alignment. I'm hoping we can communicate in a way that will fulfill that need."
3. "I'm open to the strategy and how we solve the conflict moving forward. I have a couple of ideas but would love to hear your perspective first. How can our combined needs get met?"
3. Listen. After you have shared how you see a situation it's time to close the mouth and open the ears. Specifically - 
1. Hear what the other person is saying. Focus and don't allow yourself to get distracted. 
2. Put yourself in the other person's shoes - see from their perspective. "How would I feel if I were her?"
3. Clarify! This step is skipped so often and yet it's the most powerful step in the process. Don't assume you understand after just hearing the other person. Ask "I want to make sure I fully understand you. Here is what I'm hearing. Is that correct?"

Courage pulls the mask off of the coward and challenges him to address what is right in from of him. Courage is crucial to the leader becoming the best leader and coach she can be. Strategically plan quickly and then move fast to address the negative situation with a full and complete thought. Be a coach, not a coward!