Coaches Corner 11: Coach Yourself Through Negative Emotions

The phrase I hear used more than any right now is that "we are living in unprecedented times." We are feeling a variety of emotions right now. Statistics and anecdotal evidence is showing that depression, anxiety, fear, anger and a myriad of other negative emotions are dominating and paralyzing people quarantined at home. 

First - let me start off by saying however you are feeling it's OK. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. I thought it might be helpful to provide a few simple strategies to help you "coach" yourself through some of the inevitable negative emotions that may come in waves during this time. 

• Strategy 1: Start with Non-Judgement. When you are feeling a negative emotion - fear, anxiety, anger, etc. take a moment alone and pause. EVERYONE is feeling the same emotions at different times and with different levels of intensity. Don't judge how you feel - just recognize it. Feeling scared? Good, your human. Just note it and breathe. 
• Strategy 2: Determine the Emotion. Most of the time we don't take the time when we feel negative emotions to clearly identify what we are actually feeling. For instance the other day I felt sad, and somewhat worthless because since going on furlough (not laid off but not working) I haven't been able to contribute to my company in ways that make me feel valued and like I'm contributing to the solution. It was important for me to determine how I feel because my "worthless" feeling had nothing to do with the core of who I am - just my current state and the fact that I'm unable to work every day to create solutions. Determine your emotions by:
• Getting clear through noting and writing them down (especially if you are an internal processor)
• Understanding that you may be feeling a few negative emotions for a few reasons
• Talking out (for external processors) how you are feeling to clarify your emotions
• Strategy 3: Determine the Need. Emotions are simply signals. They come from hormonal responses, thoughts both conscious and sub-conscious and sometimes just appear due to conditioning (conscious or unconscious). Recognize the emotion and know that if you have a negative emotion that there is some sort of need inside of you that is not being met. Let's go back to my feeling of worthlessness. What I needed was to feel like I'm contributing in a positive way...thus I'm doing something I can control and am sharing knowledge with you. Determine your need by doing the following: 
• Divide a sheet of paper into two columns
• On the left write out your emotion
• On the right side write out what need is not being met that is causing you to feel this emotion
• Strategy 4: Now What? Once you know how you feel and what you need you can start to create ideas to get what you need. Ask yourself now what?  Create several ideas that can allow you to help meet the missing need. There are many things out of our control - especially right now. However, below are a few things that only YOU control...EVERY day of your life:
• Your focus. What will you focus on?
• Your time investment. What will you spend or invest your time into?
• Your body. How you move, what you eat, what you wear, how you do your hair, makeup etc...all of these are in your control. Your body, it's movement and what you put into it are all in your control. 
• The thoughts you allow to dominate throughout the day. 
• The words you use.  
• Strategy 5: Start Small and Celebrate Often. Once you've determined your strategy get moving. Consider this:
• Don't wait to feel better. Movement creates momentum and you will start to feel better once you have started on your plan. 
• Celebrate often. When negative emotions are present the best way to change it is to pursue the positive - act, celebrate, act, celebrate...repeat, repeat, repeat. 
• Strategy 6: Lighten Up. If you know me personally, not just professionally you know that I'm inherently sarcastic and love to laugh. If you follow my @stevecutler_ Instagram account you've noticed my stories have been loaded with jokes and memes during the #quarantine . I've been doing this because I want people to smile, laugh and hopefully lighten their mood. In my opinion humor is far too underrated in our "professional" (see stiff/boring) "achievement" (see overdone/stressed out) lives and we take ourselves far too seriously. Did you sit on the couch eating 3 bags of double-stuffed Oreos yesterday while crying and binge-watching Tiger King? Good for you - make today better. It's all in your control. 

When you decide something you regret later cut yourself some slack...negative emotions are there to signal and teach us - take the time to learn from them. This is a wonderful time to slow down and develop the skill of coaching yourself through the negativity. Practice, have fun and laugh. All my love!